Nico Tortorella: Pronouns, Sobriety, and Polyamory

Few actors live their personal journey as openly as Nico Tortorella — pronouns change, sobriety is fluid, and marriage doesn’t mean monogamy. In September 2023, Tortorella announced a shift from they/them to he/him pronouns, a move that sparked conversations about gender identity and self-discovery.

Full Name: Nico Tortorella ·
Born: July 30, 1988 (age 36) ·
Known For: Scream 4, The Following, Younger ·
Pronouns: He/Him (since 2023) ·
Marital Status: Married to Bethany Meyers (2022) ·
Sobriety Duration: 11 years (since 2013)

Seven personal details, one pattern: Tortorella’s life resists easy categorisation — each fact raises another question about identity, relationships, and recovery.

What is Nico Tortorella’s gender?

Nico Tortorella has publicly navigated a changing relationship with gender identity. In 2019, during an interview with Good Morning America, Tortorella and partner Bethany Meyers both identified as non-binary and used they/them pronouns (Good Morning America). Tortorella described the pronoun shift as “still a work in progress” for everyone, including themselves (ABC News).

Then in September 2023, on the Full of Shift podcast, Tortorella announced a move to he/him pronouns, saying “I feel more like a he/him right now” (Them.us — LGBTQ+ news outlet). The change was not a rejection of non-binary identity but rather an evolution within it. Tortorella has consistently said their work is dedicated to “collapsing binaries and divisions” around gender and sexuality (YouTube interview).

The implication: few public figures model identity as process rather than declaration, and Tortorella’s openness invites others to treat pronouns as evolving rather than fixed.

Is Nico Tortorella in a polyamorous relationship?

Yes. Tortorella and Bethany Meyers have been openly polyamorous since at least 2019. In an ABC News profile, they described having “multiple sexual partners” while remaining “deeply committed” to each other (ABC News). Tortorella clarified that polyamory “does not mean group sex” but rather “creating space for more than one person at any given point.”

The couple married in March 2022 in a ceremony that honoured their polyamorous framework. Meyers, a model and activist, met Tortorella in 2006 at a Chicago art school (Good Morning America). Their relationship has been described as a “throuple” at times, with a third partner hinted at but not publicly named.

What is cowgirling in polyamory?

“Cowgirling” is a term used in polyamorous circles to describe a dynamic where a secondary partner is integrated into an existing couple’s relationship — often with the new partner spending time with both members. Tortorella and Meyers have used the term in interviews to explain how their polyamory works in practice (ABC News).

Who is Nico Tortorella’s partner?

Bethany Meyers, a model and activist, is Tortorella’s spouse. They have been together since 2006 and married in 2022. Meyers also identifies as non-binary and uses they/them pronouns. Together they co-host the podcast The Love Bomb and advocate for polyamory and body positivity (Audible).

The pattern: their relationship structure challenges the assumption that commitment requires exclusivity, and their public openness normalizes consensual non-monogamy for a mainstream audience.

Is Nico Tortorella sober?

Tortorella has been sober from alcohol since 2013 — 11 years as of 2024. However, they describe sobriety as “fluid”: they still smoke cannabis and have openly credited the plant-based supplement kratom for helping them through opioid withdrawal (Audible). In a 2019 ABC interview, Tortorella said “alcohol was my poison” and that sobriety “helped birth my queerness” (ABC News).

Nico Tortorella credits plant kratom for 11 years sobriety – but what is it?

Kratom (Mitragyna speciosa) is a tropical tree native to Southeast Asia. Its leaves produce opioid-like effects at higher doses and stimulant effects at lower doses. A growing number of people use it for opioid withdrawal and pain management, but the U.S. FDA has not approved it for any medical use and has warned about risks of addiction and side effects (FDA (U.S. regulatory agency) guidance). Tortorella has said kratom was “the only thing” that helped them stay off harder substances, but they acknowledge it is not a conventional sobriety tool (Audible).

What this means: Tortorella’s sobriety narrative expands the definition of recovery beyond total abstinence, but it also introduces complexity around what “sober” means when plant-based substitutes are involved.

What is Nico Tortorella’s ethnicity?

Tortorella is of mixed European descent, primarily Italian and English, with possible other European roots. He was born and raised in Wilmette, Illinois, a suburb of Chicago (Fame Shock). His Italian heritage has been noted in interviews and family records, but a precise breakdown has not been publicly documented.

How old is Nico Tortorella?

Born July 30, 1988, Tortorella is 36 years old as of 2024 (Fame Shock).

Does Nico Tortorella really have all those tattoos?

Yes — Tortorella is heavily tattooed, with visible ink on both arms, chest, and neck. The tattoos are largely symbolic: geometric designs, botanical motifs, and portraits. He has never disclosed an exact count, but the coverage is substantial enough that fans often ask if he has tattoos everywhere. In interviews, Tortorella has said the ink is “art on my body” and that each piece represents a personal experience (Audible).

The catch: while his heritage and age are straightforward, the tattoos remain a visual signature that reinforces his identity as someone who treats his body as a canvas for personal narrative.

Does Nico Tortorella have any children?

No — as of 2024, Tortorella and Meyers do not have children. However, both have expressed openness to starting a family in the future. In a 2020 podcast, Tortorella said they would “love to be a parent” and that polyamory provides “more people to love a child” (Audible). Meyers has echoed this sentiment, but no timeline or specific plans have been announced. The question of children remains one of the most common searches about Tortorella, reflecting curiosity about how polyamory and parenthood might intersect.

The implication: the couple’s approach to family planning is consistent with their broader philosophy — relationships and life stages should be custom-built rather than default-driven.

The pattern across Tortorella’s public life is one of deliberate, transparent evolution — gender pronouns, marriage structure, and sobriety all bend rather than break. For fans navigating their own identities, the message is one of permission: labels can shift, relationships can be custom-built, and recovery can be non-linear. But the openness comes with a cost: every change is scrutinized, every unconventional choice explained. For Tortorella, the trade-off is worth it — visibility creates space for others. For his followers, the implication is clear: identity is not a destination but an ongoing practice.

Frequently asked questions

Related reading

• Vivian Jenna Wilson: Gender, Family Estrangement, and Public Identity
• Matty Healy: Engagement, Sobriety, and Controversy